Things I Learn From Work

Must not tell tenants that the constant need of repair is due to the building having being built on an aborigenes burial ground.
If a loud noise is heard comming from the ACS (automated carstacking system), must not say: "there goes Mrs smith's chevy".
If asked by a tenant why I always seem to be on site, must not slip them a piece of paper that says: "me is kept as slave, help!"
If the ACS is offline, must not blame it on having to put down a revolt by the work-droids.
Even when true, I am not allowed to tell people that our current method of solving the ACS problem is to bash the robot once with a bat.
Must not tell users that due to the many problem with the ACS, the company will convert the space into a roller disco.
If someone call to complain about louds noises next door, must not say "its knee breaking time !"
When people come out of the sauna, must not giggle and insinuate there is a camera inside.
must not refer to a serbian tenant as "that croatian guy in 102".
must not pretend to be "the go-to guy for all your needs".
must not send american school kids who ask for "a place that is, like, da bomb" to a bar frequented by "bears".

Must not make kissy-face to my boss after I hear him making an homophobic comment.
I must not tell a costumer that the books for "a discerning clientele" are at the back.

If during an office party the drunk irish boss says "oi've a thick skin when it com'ta irish joke", never yell out "Ok, here's one..."

If selling persian rugs, I am not allowed to say "carpet" in a suggestive manner when talking to a lesbian.

If a client ask to have a eye-catching message inscribed on a promotional website's button, must not suggest things such as "touch me, touch me now !" (especialy if he think that it "sound like a brilliant idea")

While on duty, am not allowed to go in the dining area with a bloody apron and a knife and ask a client "is it ok THIS time ?"
am not allowed to make cow sounds before choping up steak.
am certainly not allowed to make cat sounds before choping up meat.
I should try to avoid getting *too* creative with an omelette

"This is the way of my people" is not a valid excuse for anything.
I must not exagerate my accent on purpose.
I may not make up a country of origin.
If I am ask my christian name, must not yell "Infidel swine"
Must not tell tourists visiting a park to be weary of the dreadful dropbear who look just like a Koala but would fall from the tree to eat their brain.
Must not discourage people to go somewhere "during canibal season"
Must not tell tourists visiting a park that the firepits were once used for ritual sacrifice.
If an yankee tourist ask what the exchange rate is, I am not allowed to say "for you my friend, I do one for one" if there is any chance he will accept.

Must not tell visitors to a museum that for a price, I'll tell them the *real* story.
May not pretend that voices in my head tell me otherwise.
May not call myself on the walkie-talkie just to confuse dispatch.
May not tell people that my first-aid course contained a mercy- killing segment.
If asked about my lack of a gun, must not tell people that it was taken away after "The Incident".
When training one, may not tell the newbie about "the wee fairy people that live within these walls".
Must not encourage my co-workers to tell the newbie that the last time I mentioned "the wee fairy people" was just before "The Incident".
plastic fangs are not part of the uniform.